We’re so sorry that we just sort of disappeared off the face of the blogosphere. Blame ennui, busy schedules, and Netflix.
But inspiration has struck! Even though we will no longer be posting on P&P, our voices have moved over to a new space on Tumblr called the Parody Workshop. We hope that you all will come check out our tongue-in-cheek parodies of popular culture.
Our first offering to the gods of comedy, if you will permit us one last homage to our namesakes, is Gloaming (Or, Twilight in which Edward can hear Bella’s thoughts and does not wait until the second book to attempt suicide by Volturi).
Peace, and happy new year!
She did not.
Cast of Characters
Penny – Narrator
Super-Extrovert – Penny’s friend who cannot understand that Penny doesn’t like to be around other people all the time and forces her into social situations.
Civilian – That guy who was really good at dates last year and whom Penny met at another such dinner.
Girlfriend – Super-Extrovert’s friend from college who is dating Civilian’s best friend and roommate.
Disapproving Mother – Civilian’s roommate’s mother and Girlfriend’s supposed future MIL.
In which Penny finds herself the object of gossip…
I glanced down the table and immediately wished I hadn’t.
Now, I probably spend more time convinced that people are talking about me than people actually spend engaged in discussions of my utterly fascinating person, but Monday evening my observations of the pair at the opposite end of the table could not have been more affirming of my regular self-absorption.
Still, I’d looked and I couldn’t very well un-look, so I might as well keep looking at the girlfriend of the best friend of the guy I’d gone on a few dates with over a year ago as she whispered in her boyfriend’s mother’s ear all the sordid details of my callous and cold treatment of their beloved young man, currently deployed as a civilian in Afghanistan.
Oof. Continue reading
Ladies and gentlemen, we are pleased to present to you proof that the men in Penny’s mind do exist. She and Circe met a vest-wearing specimen this weekend – in a bar of all places.
Exhibit A, texts from Saturday night.
Penny: It was nice meeting you! Thanks for coming to [BAR] with us, despite the lack of DJ.
Vest: It was nice meeting you. Maybe we can get together soon and have a drink.
Penny: Love to! Hope you find your friends… Sorry we had to leave.
Vest: Yea I’m with them now.
Vest: We can discuss game theory over a gin and tonic… or some other intellectual conversation. It’s so rare to find a woman who is attractive but not dull…
Penny: Funny you should say that. I was just thinking the same about men.
Vest: Agreed. The average “modern” man is troglodyte.
Penny: And the women merely Paleolithic?
Vest: No. Just misinformed, I suppose. I can only speak for myself, but I’m into a different type of woman than most guys.
Vest and Penny have a date for Tuesday night. We’ll keep you updated!
He does exist. They DO exist! *mutual swooning*
As we mentioned last week, this past weekend was a bit of a P&P reunion/whirlwind 2 .5 days during which Penny met [most of] Polly’s peeps.
Getting around [POLLY’S CITY] is best done via public transit. Below is a transcription of our adventures on the same. Enjoy. (We certainly did.)
Saturday, early afternoon. The train is full and P&P are forced to separate. Text messages inevitably ensue.
Polly: Can we observe bro cracking a beer before 1 sitting across from retired school teachers.
Penny: Ok… I’ll be obvious and turn around… HAHAHAHAHHAA. And sitting next to his super entitled, annoying wife? With the cappuccino machine because she did the math and realized how much money she was wasting on Starbucks where the stupid, uneducated baristas just mess up her complicated order anyway and are they sure they don’t have any almond milk?
Polly: If I had a better phone, I’d snag a picture of his shoes.
Penny: HAHAHHA OMZ. Those are not shoes. Those are Foot Candy for Men. (And I am at the wrong angle to do so unobtrusively. Sigh.)
Polly: It’s so inspiring! HOLY SHIT did you hear social security might run out? MY TEACHER SAID SO.
Penny: Social security is going bankrupt? Whatever, I have lavender shoes and coordinating purple polk-a-dot socks. Continue reading
Penny and Polly are geographically reuniting for another glorious weekend! This time, on Polly’s turf. Which means…
Polly: I’m a little nervous! Oxford Comma is meeting Mom this weekend.
Penny: Mom? But… Pol. Did you forget I am coming this weekend?!
AM I MOM????!!!?!?!
Question: Am I more or less scary than your stoic, too cool, teenaged sister?
Polly: I don’t know… Because if either of you don’t like him, I will hear it way more from you than The Silent One.
Penny: Hey! I didn’t like Thebes, and you knew, but I didn’t beat you over the head with it. And I had le-gi-ti-mate reasons to not like Thebes*. If I don’t like Oxford Comma it will be because I don’t like people, which you can safely ignore.
*Reasons: Trench coat, snakeskin boots, gelled hair, general air of menace, general air of disdain feeding the menace, his cigar smoke stanking up my airspace, that awful electronic shit he played at abnormally high volumes (it would make even a robot’s ears bleed), his godawful cologne stanking up my airspace when he wasn’t smoking a cigar, his chef hat**, those creepy-ass alien drawings he doodled all over everything…
**I did appreciate that he always helped clean up the kitchen after Taco Thursdays. I forgave a lot for that. (Ed. Note: Avoiding household chores never numbered among Thebes’ flaws. Also, I got him that hat. And a wok! For Christmas! -Polly) ((Ed.’s Ed. Note: No need to be conciliatory; you broke up. Some ostensibly practical gifts are meant to be decorative. See: any antique ever. Could you use that potato masher? Sure! Should you? No! LEAD POISONING!! -Penny) ((Note on the Ed.’s Ed. Note: Actually, probably not lead poisoning. But. Still, no; they rust easily.))
We’ve added Oxford Comma and MMF to our list of Recurring Characters because <<gasp>> it looks like they maybe might (in some strange alternate universe that is not our normal lives) be around for a while.