Tag Archives: MMF

In which Penny gets the check

5 Nov

It’s the first Saturday in November and MMF has lasted longer than most of his predecessors, but quite long enough in Penny’s estimation. She moved their tentative date from her city to his, made it for lunch, and established a convenient quick getaway in the form of her parents’ desperately desiring her company and needing someone to pick up a quart of milk. “Skim, pls.”

[fade-in on Penny, lazing about her parents’ living room in front of the fire reading none other than Anna Karenina because she might as well give something a thirty-fifth chance today…]

MMF (SMS): It’s because I let you pay for lunch, isn’t it?
Penny (SMS): Hahahah no. It is not because you let me pay.
MMF (SMS): I can’t help second-guessing. Did you remember the milk?
Penny (SMS): I did… I forgot how much I hate Wegmans’ parking lot. And don’t second-guess yourself. This is not on you.
MMF (SMS): Well… if you want to talk about it, let me know.

[cue: College Football Theme Music (because that’s what was on TV)((because it is Saturday in America))]

Daddy: What’s that look for?
Penny: Recounts textversation.
Mom: Which one is this, again? Is this that coffee boy?? I feel badly for him, but I’m glad you used us as an excuse this weekend! Continue reading

In which Penny’s commitment issues are placed before the Board of Review

1 Nov

Penny has been seeking advice re: her continued commitment issues from all quarters and amassed a collection of Wise Counsel:

Penny’s Complaint: He keeps dropping the ball on my flirtatious forays. He’s too serious, and I am bored.

16th Century Doctor: It is not the male’s duty to entertain you, but yours to entertain him, Wench. Hold still while I attach these leeches to your veins and drain away your life’s blood, leaving you weak, feeble and dependent on his seriousness. *Cough* I mean, balance your humors so you become properly submissive and appreciative of intermittent male attention. *Cough* I mean… OH I don’t know what I mean. SIT STILL.

Penny’s Complaint: He is not assertive enough.

Christian Grey: Sorry, Penny. I am taken. (And fictional.) ((And almost definitely emotionally abusive.)) 

Penny’s Complaint: I like being single.

Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider (The Rules): Don’t be ridiculous. NO ONE likes being single. You just aren’t playing the game correctly if he’s boring you. Here are some guidelines…

Penny’s Complaint: He’s taking too long, not talking to me enough, and I am indifferent.

18th Century Mother: Just lie back and think of England, darling.

Penny’s Complaint: He’s too nice.

Witch Doctor: Put a lime in the Coke, you nut!

Penny’s Complaint: Paul Simon, I am just so stressed about this. I don’t know how to say “let’s be friends”. Continue reading

In which Penny’s commitment issues are confirmed by her iPhone

24 Oct

Yesterday evening I got in the car after the gym and decided to play Russian Roulette with a playlist on my iPhone (i.e. choose the shuffle function and see what the universe thinks I should hear).

I got the bullet.

Previously: I had commitment issues and surprised no one. 

In which Penny has commitment issues, surprises no one

19 Oct

Polly and I have been nursing friend crushes on Sarah and Ryan over at Can I Get Ur Number for a couple months now. Then Ryan posted about wrenching and Sarah admitted to being a wench who wrenches and, well…

Ryan? You are so right. I wrench.

In fact, I am on the cusp of wrenching MMF.

Cue the chorus of Whys from Polly, Circe, et al.

I just honestly like being alone. (I talked a bit about this and liking my life just the way it is a few weeks ago in my post about investing in myself. Was MMF doomed from the start? Who knows.)

Something is wrong when I’m not actively seeking solitude – when I’m purposefully scheduling every minute of the day and leaving no time to just be me with Self.

And I feel that it is worth noting that maybe sometimes we do have real reasons for wrenching: alone, I am at my happiest.

There is a difference between solitude and loneliness that isn’t often addressed in our extroverted society. Society assumes that  anyone who is single or alone or just minding her own business and reading a book outside at lunch doesn’t actually want to be alone. Quite simply, that isn’t true. Luckily for introverts everywhere, introversion has been getting some press lately! Still, the idea that to desire solitude is abnormal persists, especially for women (thank you Cat Lady stereotypes everywhere). But there is nothing wrong with a woman choosing to be alone! (Kate Bolick says so.)

There is, however, something wrong with becoming complacent in singleness and choosing to throw in the wrench and tell a guy “I need to wash my hair” simply because it is easier to be alone.

So, I set down to have a little think-chat with myself. Continue reading

Too Awkward for Life

17 Oct

Penny:  Ok, lunchtime!

Sent at 1:06 PM on Wednesday

Penny:  TOO AWKWARD FOR LIFE

Sent at 1:45 PM on Wednesday

Polly:  Do tell!

Penny:

So I am sitting in the sunshine reading AK and smiling at Levin’s naivety when a shadow falls over me, blocking the aforementioned delightful sunshine.

I look up.

It is Lunch Buddy.

“What are you reading?”

“Anna Karenina.”

“What’s that?”

“A Russian novel. But I’m reading it in English.”

[Please note I am not trying to keep this conversation going and my book is STILL OPEN, pen in hand.]

He sits. Continue reading

“Just because” flowers and things to do before I die

16 Oct

I am not a Bucket List person. Sure, I have a vague idea of all the places I’d like to go, people I’d like to meet and things I’d like to do (not skydiving – never skydiving). But really, it’s all very nebulous and subject to change as I grow and mature and all that jazz.

If I were to write a Bucket List, however, rest assured that it would consist of items requiring agency on my part. If I’m going to have a list of things I have to do before I die or else consign my life to the junk pile, well, you can bet those things are going to require action from me and not depend on others for completion (because, really, depending on someone else to check off something on the list of things that makes your life worthwhile… you’re asking for disappointment).

Anyway.

That said… MMF definitely checked off a Bucket List item I didn’t want to admit I’d written down: “Just because” flowers on a random rainy Monday of otherwise zero significance… Let’s just say I couldn’t even be upset that I had to park around the block in the midst of a deluge. Points to Gryffindor!

Seriously, though. Check.

New Recurring Characters

15 Oct

We’ve added Oxford Comma and MMF to our list of Recurring Characters because <<gasp>> it looks like they maybe might (in some strange alternate universe that is not our normal lives) be around for a while.

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