Tag Archives: being a bridesmaid

The DOs and DON’Ts of Bridal Etiquette, by the Reluctant MOH.

5 Aug

I survived Bridezilla and all I got was this passive-agressive blog inspiration. Do research convenient accommodations for your out-of-town guests.

Do not plan bachelorette, rehearsal, and wedding events in opposite parts of the city and leave your guests to navigate Orbitz without recommendations.

Do find a season and venue appropriate bridesmaids dress.

Do not ask your bridesmaids to wear floor-length, dark blue gowns at an outdoor ceremony in August in tropical Florida.

Do find suitable alternatives for any expecting bridesmaids.

Do not expect all of your bridesmaids to wear the same unflattering maternity dress regardless of differing states of fertility.

Do select attendants who can easily and affordably attend all associated events.

Do not foist the responsibilities of Maid of Honor on your childhood friend living eight states away.

Do graciously accept any and all gifts the guests choose to bestow.

Do not include a request in your invitation that all gifts be in the form of dollar dollar billz.

OR Do not act surprised when a thoughtful card is filled with US Airlines, Orbitz, David’s Bridal, and Party City receipts.

Do focus on having a few nicely done aspects of the reception.

Do not provide guests with plastic serving ware, skimp on the favors, AND ask them to “Please Help Yourselves!” at the LIQUOR TABLE because all of your joint savings went to the 6k diamond rock.

Do be sure you want to be emotionally and financially chained to your fiance.

Do not cry on the phone weeks before your wedding to your MOH about how you will go through with the ceremony but maybe not get the marriage license because “divorces are expensive.”

Do have a relationship where if you cannot at least agree on non-negotiables (term c/o Patti Stanger) like gender equality and religion, you can talk about them.

Do not lie to your fiance about major life-altering decisions you’ve made in the past because you’re worried that with his close-minded, patriarchal upbringing he won’t understand a woman’s right to make decisions about her own body.

Do make sure your wedding date isn’t during an annual season of natural disasters.

Do not simply cross your fingers and hope that this summer, weather will suddenly behave in a peaceful manner most out of character for the Gulf of Mexico.

Do adhere to as many of the above common courtesies as possible.

Do not direct a sideways glance at your MOH when, after you’ve neglected each and every one of the above suggestions, she brings her own oversized beach bag to carry out her unlimited salad and breadsticks at your hastily thrown together rehearsal dinner.

More Tales of Woe from the Reluctant MOH

28 Feb

Or, The Post With ALL THE CAPS LOCK.

(Quick recap: My Oldest Friend in the universe is getting married in August, and despite the eight states that lie between us she chose me as her MOH. Being fitted for the bridesmaids dress was trying, and now it’s time for the shower.)

Dear [BRIDESMAID/ EXTENDED FAMILY MEMBER/ FUTURE IN-LAW],

I see a bridal shower in your future! Congratulate Oldest Friend with an evening of food, fun, and fortune telling. But shh! It’s a surprise!

My suitcase will contain one pair of undies and 50 lbs of decorations. Where: [ADDRESS]

When: Saturday, April 6th, 6pm-9pm

RSVP: By March 15th to polly.lastname@gmail.com

Like to cook? Let me know what you can bring!

Best,
Polly

Is the invitation Oldest Friend’s future cousins-in-law* WOULD BE RECEIVING IN THE MAIL WERE THEY POLITE ENOUGH TO GIVE ME THEIR ADDRESSES.

Hypothetical situation:

You’re a bridesmaid. The MOH Facebook messages you with a very polite and cheery request for your address so she can mail shower invitations. “By the way, keep April 6th open, but not a word to the bride! ;)”

Things come up, you get sidetracked, her query slips by. So a week later she messages you again. “Just a quick reminder to e-mail me your mailing address for the shower invites!”

WHAT A BITCH, RIGHT? How DARE this woman think I have the TIME to WRITE DOWN MY ADDRESS AND CLICK SEND. THE NERVE. Obviously I should leave the Facebook message thread because this crazy lady is just TOO DEMANDING.

Well suit yourself ladies. Your painstakingly hand-written invitations are ready to go whenever you find the time to send ONE ZEUSDAMN EMAIL.

*Please note that Oldest Friend finds these three high-school-aged future CILs very obnoxious and did not intend to include them in the bridal party. CILs whined to future MIL who guilted Oldest Friend into adding them on. So there are eight bridesmaids and four groomsmen. BUT THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS THEY WANTED TO BE IN ON THIS.

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