People are scalping Twinkies. Or doing whatever the buy-up-all-the-Hostess-products-at-your-local-7/11-and-post-them-on-Ebay-to-take-advantage-of-panicked-adults-who-didn’t-know-they-missed-Twinkies-until-JUSTNOW equivalent is to scalping tickets.
Twinkies are NOT worth $500. Ever. I don’t care if they might never be made again and would probably survive a nuclear holocaust intact and radiation-free.
Not to mention…
YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN. Here’s a recipe.
Penny can honestly say she’s never eaten a Twinkie (Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies are a WHOLE OTHER STORY).
Polly on the other hand never met a Twinkie she didn’t like.
But honestly, you guys? Maybe Hostess going out of business is not the end of the world as we know it (unless they wait to officially liquidate on 12/21/12… then I will give you your doom and gloom exaggerations and concede the Mayans were right about something).
Why is it not the end of the world, you ask? You can make your own Twinkies!!! And guess what? These little homemade rolls of lard are better for you than the packaged rolls of lard you love so much because they have <<gasp>> pronounceable ingredients. (Seriously, have you ever looked at what’s in a Twinkie? Too many syllables.) ((Ed. Note: I WILL EAT PROCESSED FOOD IF I WANT TO EAT PROCESSED FOOD. -Polly))
Joy the Baker has an awesome homemade Twinkie recipe. So, if you’re dying already at the thought of the empty slot in the vending machine, go forth and bake!
Mark Zuckerberg has done it again.
Facebook users woke up this morning to find that they and their honeybooboos are the proud proprietors of a couple’s page that cannot under any circumstances be deleted. (Unless, presumably, you delete your relationship.)
Thanks, Mom! We really needed/wanted this digital scrapbook!!
(To our readers: neither of us have relationship statuses on Facebook. Penny intends to never have a relationship status on Facebook. Polly has been known to observe that Facebook relationship statuses are a messy business to be avoided until official documents have been signed and observed by a witness. What think ye?)
In the international news this morning: Some woman’s diamond earrings were stolen.
Come again? Why is this international news, you may ask?
Wait for it.
Apparently, you can make faux gemstones out of your deceased loved ones.
To recap: Mother’s son stolen by diamond thieves.
Can you imagine?
[Cozy table for two in moderate-to-expensive restaurant, mood lighting, low hum of conversation]
Match.com Date: “That’s an unusual pendant. What kind of stone is that?”
Young Widow: “Oh, actually, funny you should ask. That’s my husband!”
Penny is super proud of her state this morning, as it was one of the three M’s to approve gay marriage by voter referendum yesterday. (Or, in the case of Minnesota, not disapprove.)
Snaps all around!!!
It’s going to be tough, but we’re determined to avoid election coverage this evening. Watching as states light up red or blue while listening to pundits talk about nothing isn’t going to change the outcome. And it’s bad for our blood pressure.
So, beginning with leaving work and continuing until lights out, here’s our handy guide (in no particular order) to avoiding election night coverage. (Warning: We didn’t say this would be easy.)
Poll Watching by xkcd
- First and foremost and most most most importantly: Whatever you do, DO NOT check Facebook, Twitter or Google+ after 6pm EST (does anyone even have Google+ anymore?).
- Use Google Maps to check the traffic and pop in a CD (or your iPhone, if you’re schmancy like Penny) ((or a cassette, if you’re stone-aged like Polly)) for the ride home. If you are proactive, run out to your car at lunch and take the necessary precautions to avoid hearing even a smidgen of that oh-so-tempting political coverage.
- Get your ass in gear and figure out which graduate programs you are applying to this fall/what your academic goals are/what you want to study/send descriptions of all this, along with appropriately apologetic pleas, to possible academic references whom you really should have contacted in September.
Find a machine at the gym not near a TV. Read a New Yorker from July because any political news will be so outdated it won’t even register. (Scratch that. Don’t even bother going to the gym if your gym is anything like mine: every square inch is covered with TVs. Even the locker room. There are almost as many TVs in there as saggy, old, naked women.) Continue reading
Or, how all children of the 90’s learned everything about everything.
“Even if the vote is close / and someone wins by just a little tiny hair / the electors give that person all their votes / and it’s considered fair and squaaaaaaaaaaare!”
Penny: I never realized how sarcastic and political these movies were.
Polly: Animated movies are written by adults, Pen.
Penny: Yea, well I wouldn’t be surprised if this one were written by a time travelling Al Gore.
Get out the vote!