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Gender-bent fairy tale art? Yes, please.

12 Mar

Tarzana and John


That’s one impressive beard. These and more can be found here!

When you find the perfect gift… for your ex

26 Nov

I didn’t go Black Friday shopping because I went to yoga instead. (Awesome, btw. I hadn’t been in months because I am a snob and missed my “home” studio and my hamstrings are still complaining.)

I also didn’t go Black Friday shopping because I studied economics undergrad and there is this theory about Opportunity Cost that I just absolutely adore. You’ve heard that there’s no such thing as a free lunch? Well, it’s not because they make you pay to park or whatever; it’s because that free sandwich cost you the falafel you might have purchased from Molly’s falafel boy instead. Well to me the Opportunity Cost involved in Black Friday shopping is far too high. No deal is good enough for me to brave the parking lots, not to mention the purse-wielding couponers.

Besides, my family makes Christmas lists and I have Amazon Prime.

This did not stop me, however, from discovering the perfect gift for Poopface while trailing my fingers along the shelves of Crate & Barrel, giddily imagining my future one-bedroom stone cottage with its terribly elegant, modernized French Country furnishings and its frightfully understated neutral palate with a pop of color here and there in the most unexpected places while I killed a few minutes before happy hour a few weeks ago.

Dear Readers, I have been back to that Crate & Barrel twice since, and I am proud to say that the perfect gift for Poopface is still un-purchased and will likely remain so.

But I want to send it to him.

I want to send it to him SO BADLY I itch.

I have a problem, you see. I hate Christmas and all of the list-making, gift-giving nonsense, but I adore giving someone the perfect gift, no matter the time of year.

And there is no more perfect gift for an aspiring poet who loves word games and has lots of aspiring poet friends with whom he likes to have writing parties than this. I dare you to find one.

Create captivating haikus with a roll of the dice.

In the meantime, I will continue being very confused as to which is my shoulder angel and which is my shoulder demon because shouldn’t gift-giving be good?

We are alike in many things… in others, we are not

14 Nov

Penny: I would really like for this awesome handmade Christmas ornament on Etsy to be… $10 less expensive so I could be done with the what-to-give-the-aunts-and-uncles conundrum.

Polly: You could totally make those for < $2 a piece.

Penny: But howwwwwwwwwww?

Polly: Wire (coat hanger? maybe??), buttons, beads, hot glue, ribbon…

Penny: But it would take so long.

Polly: Mmmm. Maybe ten minutes at the outside.

Penny: And I would never be able to make that shape.

Polly: I am not even going to dignify that with a response. (But. The coat hanger head is ALREADY IN THE SHAPE OF A CANE. ‘Nuff said.)

Penny: Idkkkk. Maybe I’ll just go with the napkin rings?


Penny: Just think of the opportunity cost associated with the time spent shopping for all the necessary supplies, the time spent making them, the hot glue burns…


Penny: Hmmm. Maybe it IS worth $26.50 plus shipping and handling. AND it comes wrapped with a gift card. DONE.

Victorian Christmas Candy Cane Ornament on Etsy.

I’d be more impressed if they also included stretch mark stickers.

13 Nov

We really aren’t sure how we feel about this new doll that latches on to girls’ as-yet-undeveloped breasts encased in a special halter top bra thing and… suckles.


Your four-year-old can breastfeed her baby doll!

As you can imagine, praise, scorn and ambivalence can be found in equal measure on the Interwebs. (Or, at least the ambivalent articles talk a lot about praise. There wasn’t any on the first Google results page. Should I Bing and decide? I will Bing and decide.) ((OH LOOK AT THAT. MAYBE BING IS BETTER. The praise.)

Anyhoo. Enjoy this NSFW commercial sometime when you are not at work.

The Dream of the 90s is alive at

16 Oct

oh yeah babyI have a tiny laptop screen so the screenshot doesn’t do this monumental online shopping opportunity justice – this shows not even HALF of the Lisa Frank goodies available! Run, don’t walk, to and pretend you have reasons to buy erasers and stickers and folders and trapper keepers. You totally need them.

Best $5 we’ve ever spent

8 Oct

These will accompany one or both of us to parties from now on.

Beerclaces, the essential Oktoberfest accessory.

This just in: Furbies still creepy

19 Sep

(And apparently a hot toy this Christmas.)

Polly: I had one. I think it’s locked away in a cabinet in my basement – thing wouldn’t shut up. I had an idea for a low budget horror movie and an army of furbies. I didn’t develop it any further… I was too afraid.

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