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New Parody Site

2 Jan

Hi guys!

We’re so sorry that we just sort of disappeared off the face of the blogosphere. Blame ennui, busy schedules, and Netflix.

But inspiration has struck! Even though we will no longer be posting on P&P, our voices have moved over to a new space on Tumblr called the Parody Workshop. We hope that you all will come check out our tongue-in-cheek parodies of popular culture.

Our first offering to the gods of comedy, if you will permit us one last homage to our namesakes, is Gloaming (Or, Twilight in which Edward can hear Bella’s thoughts and does not wait until the second book to attempt suicide by Volturi).

Peace, and happy new year!


Did Penny thumb her nose at fate?

26 Aug

Survey says: Penny has been watching too much Merlin on Netflix.

So, here’s the weird coincidence.

I live in one of the most populous counties in the country and very rarely run into people I know when I’m out and about running errands, much less beautiful men I’ve never met but contemplated meeting seven ways to Sunday. The statistical likelihood has got to be infinitesimal.

So, gentle readers, explain to me how I managed to spot Gym God going into Bed, Bath & Beyond as I was driving away from the DSW next door last night.

The worst part? I decided that since I didn’t have a reason to go into the store, it would be a little too much like stalking to go in and… browse the merchandise.


So maybe it wasn’t fate, after all. Because if it had been fate, I would have remembered that I need a new top for my Tervis since the old one cracked.


An object of gossip

17 Jul

She did not.

Cast of Characters

Penny – Narrator

Super-Extrovert – Penny’s friend who cannot understand that Penny doesn’t like to be around other people all the time and forces her into social situations.

Civilian – That guy who was really good at dates last year and whom Penny met at another such dinner.

Girlfriend – Super-Extrovert’s friend from college who is dating Civilian’s best friend and roommate.

Disapproving Mother – Civilian’s roommate’s mother and Girlfriend’s supposed future MIL.


In which Penny finds herself the object of gossip…

I glanced down the table and immediately wished I hadn’t.

Now, I probably spend more time convinced that people are talking about me than people actually spend engaged in discussions of my utterly fascinating person, but Monday evening my observations of the pair at the opposite end of the table could not have been more affirming of my regular self-absorption.

Still, I’d looked and I couldn’t very well un-look, so I might as well keep looking at the girlfriend of the best friend of the guy I’d gone on a few dates with over a year ago as she whispered in her boyfriend’s mother’s ear all the sordid details of my callous and cold treatment of their beloved young man, currently deployed as a civilian in Afghanistan.

Oof. Continue reading

A fallacy of logic

16 Jul

I’ve always been a chin person.

That is one FINE chin.

So it follows logically that I am not a beard person. (Sexy stubble permissible.)

Where’d your delightful chin go?

So explain to me this:

Why did John Krasinski get infinitely more attractive of late?

A little too vested

9 Jul

Too much suit.

My lack of enthusiastic updates may have already given it away, but I thought I’d make it official.

For all his promise, Vest didn’t make it past the first date. Suffice it to say, his texts should have been a warning that he’s a little too far evolved from his troglodyte ancestors to be exciting.

They do exist!

1 Jul

Ladies and gentlemen, we are pleased to present to you proof that the men in Penny’s mind do exist. She and Circe met a vest-wearing specimen this weekend – in a bar of all places.

Exhibit A, texts from Saturday night.

Penny: It was nice meeting you! Thanks for coming to [BAR] with us, despite the lack of DJ.
Vest: It was nice meeting you. Maybe we can get together soon and have a drink.
Penny: Love to! Hope you find your friends… Sorry we had to leave.
Vest: Yea I’m with them now.
Vest: We can discuss game theory over a gin and tonic… or some other intellectual conversation. It’s so rare to find a woman who is attractive but not dull…
Penny: Funny you should say that. I was just thinking the same about men.
Vest: Agreed. The average “modern” man is troglodyte.
Penny: And the women merely Paleolithic?
Vest: No. Just misinformed, I suppose. I can only speak for myself, but I’m into a different type of woman than most guys.
Penny: Good.
Vest and Penny have a date for Tuesday night. We’ll keep you updated!

He does exist. They DO exist! *mutual swooning*

Scylla and Charbydis

7 Jun

As I get older, I find myself more and more frequently trapped between larger and larger rocks and harder and harder places. Or, as we called Rocks’ and Hard Places’ more aquatic cousins back in the day, Scylla and Charbydis. I don’t know if the problems are just getting bigger (they are), if I’m less-equipped for dealing with them than I thought I’d be (I am), or if I’m somehow subconsciously setting myself up for anxiety-inducing decisions and situations (possible… we haven’t gotten that far in therapy). But the result’s the same: it’s a real struggle to convince myself to shower before bed (showering, you understand, being unspoken acknowledgement that I am going to work in the morning in a more real way than packing a lunch that I could just take on a picnic down to the water ever could be) ((don’t worry, I showered)).

Sometimes Scylla and Charbydis are definite problems, other times they’re more metaphorical and existential. Then there are the times when I find myself facing the perfect storm of definite and metaphorical. This is one of those times, and I’m not sure my boat is so leak-proof.

About three months ago I turned down my top choice graduate program because I am practical and they didn’t offer me enough money. Then I inadvertently found out that my employers were reclassifying my position, requiring me to reapply for the job I’ve been in for the past year and go through the whole months-long process of hiring by search committee. Cue Alanis and her black flies in Chardonnay. So, I started looking around for other jobs and allowed myself to dream of leaving, thinking that I would stay until I found something. I’ve found lots of other jobs. They just haven’t called back. Then yesterday, during my final interview for the position I already have, my boss threw this at me: “This isn’t really an interview so much as a conversation to find out how you feel about the position, because while you are doing a fantastic job and we want you to stay, we don’t want to give the position to someone who is going to leave next week.”

Ladies and gentlemen, I lied through my teeth and sold another little portion of my soul. Of course I want to stay, Boss. I just love that I spend my days actively avoiding making coffee for old men (and some not-so-old men) who seem to think that my function in the office is to be a decorative fixture whose youth makes it almost certain she knows something about computers. (Which, to be fair, I do know quite a bit about computers.)

My immediate boss is wonderful (above statement aside). I honestly could not ask for a better place to work in terms of my boss and the other administrative staff, not to mention the salary and benefits. But now I feel trapped. The opportunities for advancement are unclear and, quite frankly, even if they were a little more defined, I wouldn’t want them. Maybe it’s the hubris of my generation, but I graduated summa cum laude and am a member of Phi Beta Kappa. I am creative while still being able to think logically and analytically. The reason things run so smoothly at work, Boss, is because it takes very little effort or brain power for me to complete my tasks. Even the conferences I organize only take part of my brain, if all of my time. I should be more than this; I am more than this.

But then the cycle of guilt starts. Who am I to look down on a full time position that so many people would be grateful to have? Alternatively, who am I to take this full time position away from someone else who wants it more than I do, someone who would put in more effort and not mind showering before work?

I don’t know. I just honestly don’t know.

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