More Tales of Woe from the Reluctant MOH

28 Feb

Or, The Post With ALL THE CAPS LOCK.

(Quick recap: My Oldest Friend in the universe is getting married in August, and despite the eight states that lie between us she chose me as her MOH. Being fitted for the bridesmaids dress was trying, and now it’s time for the shower.)

Dear [BRIDESMAID/ EXTENDED FAMILY MEMBER/ FUTURE IN-LAW],

I see a bridal shower in your future! Congratulate Oldest Friend with an evening of food, fun, and fortune telling. But shh! It’s a surprise!

My suitcase will contain one pair of undies and 50 lbs of decorations. Where: [ADDRESS]

When: Saturday, April 6th, 6pm-9pm

RSVP: By March 15th to polly.lastname@gmail.com

Like to cook? Let me know what you can bring!

Best,
Polly

Is the invitation Oldest Friend’s future cousins-in-law* WOULD BE RECEIVING IN THE MAIL WERE THEY POLITE ENOUGH TO GIVE ME THEIR ADDRESSES.

Hypothetical situation:

You’re a bridesmaid. The MOH Facebook messages you with a very polite and cheery request for your address so she can mail shower invitations. “By the way, keep April 6th open, but not a word to the bride! ;)”

Things come up, you get sidetracked, her query slips by. So a week later she messages you again. “Just a quick reminder to e-mail me your mailing address for the shower invites!”

WHAT A BITCH, RIGHT? How DARE this woman think I have the TIME to WRITE DOWN MY ADDRESS AND CLICK SEND. THE NERVE. Obviously I should leave the Facebook message thread because this crazy lady is just TOO DEMANDING.

Well suit yourself ladies. Your painstakingly hand-written invitations are ready to go whenever you find the time to send ONE ZEUSDAMN EMAIL.

*Please note that Oldest Friend finds these three high-school-aged future CILs very obnoxious and did not intend to include them in the bridal party. CILs whined to future MIL who guilted Oldest Friend into adding them on. So there are eight bridesmaids and four groomsmen. BUT THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS THEY WANTED TO BE IN ON THIS.

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