I’m convinced I was just made to be awkward. I’m built to be socially incapable. Evidence:
Oh gee, isn’t it wonderful that I’m leaving the building for lunch for the first time this week? How pleasant. I really must try to not be overworked more often. Hark! My middle aged coworker who is just starting to actually like me (with whom it would behoove me to have agreeable relations as his general approval of me would greatly aid my climb into the upper echelons of this place of employment) is also waiting for the elevator!
Grumpypants: Where you going?
Polly: Just home for lunch!
Grumpypants: You live that close?
Polly: Yup, it’s just under ten minutes away.
Grumpypants: What are you making?
Polly: Heating up some alfredo leftovers!
Grumpypants: mumblemumble with us.
Wait, what did he say? Was it “You should come with us?” or was it “Next time you should come with us?” or perhaps “I’m so glad you aren’t coming with us?” That was probably it. WHAT DO I DO? Hey, Shoulder Angel, Shoulder Devil, whaddya got for me?
PSA: Pardon? I wasn’t paying attention.
PSD: Come back at 2. We’re on our lunchbreaks, Kid.
RATS. Oh dear. Ok. Just ask a question that works no matter what and get in that open elevator.
Polly: Where are you going?
Grumpypants: Out for pizza.
Polly: Sounds cool. [ELEVATOR DOORS CLOSE]
SHIT. DAMN. Should I take the elevator back up? No. The only thing more awkward than blatantly ignoring a lunch invitation is stupidly slipping myself back into the group plan.
PSD: Well you could have said, “Sorry, didn’t catch that,” you moron.
Just run away, Polly. Run away and never return.