P&P’s Better Business Suggestions for USPS

6 Feb

Have you heard?! The USPS announced this morning that they are going to discontinue delivering first class mail on Saturdays. They will, however, continue delivering priority and packages because apparently it costs less to deliver fewer pieces of mail even though they’re delivering the mail anyway? All this finance stuff has never been our strongest suit, admittedly, but that seems a bit suspect to us. (We really would love to know if the same people who invented mortgage securities waved their magic wands of legerdemain to find this supposed $2 billion in savings…)

What’s next? No mail delivery on Monday because no one likes Mondays anyway? And then, hell, we might as well stop delivering on Fridays because everyone knows that Friday is basically Saturday except you have to pretend to work.

We simply will not stand for this. We, the gods-fearing citizens of this great nation that used to have reliable federal services, simply refuse to stand idle in the face of this potentially apocalyptic snow ball set to tumble down the mountain of government inefficiency and spending cuts and destined to become a great big boulder of reduced service and poor quality.

So, we’ve come up with a few USPS Better Business Suggestions (USPSBBS, for short and/or maximum confusion in the spirit of unnecessary government acronyms).

Photo courtesy Washington Post and right click+copy image location.

P&P’s USPSBBS:

1. Be open when people can utilize your services – i.e. have evening hours! If you don’t have the money for extended hours (which, obviously you don’t) then change them entirely and have front desk staff work from 1 pm -9 pm M-F instead of 8-5. Because you know what? I like to send letters and packages, but I send them UPS or FedEx because UPS and FedEx are OPEN when I am not at work. (This goes for banks and doctors, too, just in case any of you are reading.)

2. Stop losing things; it’s bad for business. Again, UPS, FedEx, DHL, etc. are more reliable. Be more reliable.

3. Three words: fuel efficient vehicles.

4. Come up with interesting multi-media services. For example, the Postagram app lets me send my grandma that photo of my parents she insisted I take then promptly forgot about as a physical postcard, straight from my phone. Cool, huh? People still really like getting physical mail and anything ironic is totally “in”, so why are you letting the app-maker get all the money from this?

5. Enough with the creepy clown doll commercial.

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