Let’s all play… Spot the New Year’s Resolution!

3 Jan

Game: Spot the New Year’s Resolution

Maker: Expanding Waistlines (xWai™) in partnership with Hasbro

Objective: Differentiate between pre-New Year’s gym regulars and post-New Year’s gym masses (the New Year’s Resolutions, or NYRs for short). Your gym wins if the number of NYRs exceeds the number of regulars (for the NYR will use the gym sparingly while still paying full price). You… cannot win.

You will need:

  1. Time to go to the gym during peak, after-work hours on the first day following the New Year’s holiday
  2. At least three-to-four months of prior gym membership
  3. Keen observational skills
  4. Pepper spray

Rules (Dos and Dont’s):

  1. Do engage in vulturing (i.e. circling/perching on a nearby machine to snag the one you want and could previously rely upon every Monday-Wednesday-Friday from 6-7 pm because it is your elliptical and the regulars know this). Use elbows sparingly.
  2. Do not confuse shiny, off-the-rack workout clothes bought or gifted in the hopes of actually going to the gym this year with the shiny new shoes and/or compression top in combination with worn workout favorites. The latter are statistically significant indicators of a regular, not a NYR.
  3. Do rest on the weight machines between sets for fear of a NYR stumbling up and taking a year to do three reps.
  4. Do not engage or make eye-contact with a NYR for fear of contracting the highly contagious inability to stick to a workout routine (you’ve been doing so well!).
  5. Do take deep, measured breaths when confronted with a NYR in some way interfering with your routine. They will be gone by the Super Bowl.
  6. Do not use your pepper spray on a NYR, despite their blatant attempts to bait you.
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