When your ex texts… Personalized Holiday Greetings Edition

2 Jan
Sorry, but this is how it is.

Sorry, but this is how it is.

Poopface (SMS): Merry Christmas, Penny!
Penny (SMS): Thanks, Poopface! Happy holidays. I hope you’re enjoying the white Christmas.
Poopface (SMS): I’m enjoying that y’all get to have one.
Penny (SMS): I thought there was a really bad storm in Bumblefuck Middle America.
Poopface (SMS): Not where I am. Southwest of me. We may get an inch or two later.
Penny (SMS): Ahh, sorry! It’s all a bit of a blob to me. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you!
Poopface (SMS): I’d love just a little bit haha.

A public service message to everyone with an ex: RESIST THE URGE TO TEXT. Whether it is a major holiday or just a random Thursday afternoon when something on the radio reminds you of that time the two of you went to wherever and had fun, DO NOT TEXT.

Until the unlikely day this blog goes viral and Poopface finds himself an anonymous Internet celebrity and alters his texting habits accordingly: Here’s to another year spent wondering what the fuck is going through Poopface’s head when he decides to send holiday and/or random greetings because, honestly, why is he thinking about me today/at all?

I am, as mentioned previously, an insatiably curious person. I have always wanted to know why and whenever someone says because I counter with a yea, but…

It doesn’t matter whether or not I am over Poopface (I am, btw. Finally!) or would ever consider dating him again (Definitely not, for many and varied reasons including but not limited to his latest attempts at self-expression via weird facial hair… He has moved on from ironic beard to odd, mutton chop things.). It doesn’t matter because I will still ask (and obsess over) why.

I just like to know things. Scratch that.

I absolutely cannot stand not knowing things.

I also know I cannot in any conceivable universe ask him and satisfy my curiosity because that would indicate that I care. Which I do, just not in the way he would think I care.

It’s all very complicated and much angst could have been avoided if he only had a sassy gay shoulder angel.


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