Or, what is not going to happen to Penny on Sunday.
Also, probably why Penny cannot get past the third date.
The game was on. Staying at home hadn’t been an option – local rivalry playing out in a kind of twisted synecdoche on her living room couch – so she shrugged off her jacket and threw it over a stool before leaning against the bar. Better to be among shouting strangers with a cold draught.
“‘If you ain’t a [FOOTBALL TEAM] fan, you ain’t shit’ …what does that make me?” asked a smooth Baritone near her ear.
She turned, wondering if the face would match the voice.
The well-modulated Baritone was sporting a comfortably worn t-shirt, obviously a game day favorite, proclaiming his loyalty to the opposing team as it stretched across shoulders more at home on the field than watching from the bar.
“Well, there are two possible ways to read it. Either you are figuratively worse than excrement because you don’t like [FOOTBALL TEAM], or you do not figuratively embody excrement because you have the good sense to not like [FOOTBALL TEAM]. It’s all about the art of interpretation.”
She and he had yet to break eye contact and a slow smile spread across his face, revealing dimples and highlighting a chiseled jaw.
“Isn’t there some big word for that?” a disembodied Bass asked from beyond Baritone’s shoulder.
“Hermeneutics,” they murmured.
It was her turn to smile slowly as an intrigued spark lit her blue eyes.
“What’s your interpretation?”
“The former. Yours?”
“The latter. Double negatives.”
“Doesn’t matter. Once it’s published, the author loses control over content interpretation.”
“Since I’m not the author, I suppose we’ll just have to submit our papers and wait to see who gets the higher grade.”
“Or you’ll have to stick around to see the final score.”
“You think I’m a fair-weather fan? I’m wounded.”
“And I’m nauseous,” This from Bass, still beyond Baritone’s shoulder.
They grinned again, and introductions were made.
“Let me buy you a beer.”
But it didn’t really matter if they stuck around to see the final quarter because the call had already been made.