In which Polly rolls her eyes so violently she gives herself a migraine.

13 Nov

or, Why Polly was right to equate Penny to her mother in regards to meeting the new squeeze.

Phone conversation. Polly’s kitchen. Last Sunday.

Polly’s Mom: HI STINKY! (Ed. Note: DON’T ASK. -Polly)
Polly: Hey, Mom!
Mom: Is Penny having a good time?
[Congenial conversation ensues. Dinner was tasty, play was ok, etc.]
Mom: And she met Oxford Comma?
Polly: Yes.
Mom: What did she think? Did she like him? Did she like him better than Thebes? What did she think about Thebes?
Polly: Hold on. [to Penny] Phone for you.

Penny waves arms manically in a DO NOT LAND THAT PLANE HERE fashion. Doesn’t work.

Penny: [to Polly, mouths] What’s your mom’s name?
Polly: [to Penny, mouths] Polly’s Mom.

Penny: Hi Ms. Polly’s Mom! (Ed. Note: I’m from the South. We’re polite. – Penny)
Mom: Hi, Penny! How are you?! I heard you met Oxford Comma and that we have the same opinion of Thebes and I want to hear all about this new boy and what is he like and did you liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike him? [Polly readies herself for gratuitous eye rolling.]

Penny: Ohh, yes. We do have similar opinions on Thebes. That trench coat? Terribly last season. But Oxford Comma! So suave in his urbane leather jacket.
Mom: So he’s cute?
Penny: Definitely. And intelligent with well-informed-witty-cocktail-party banter at the ready. Really, you should see them play off one another – it’s like Bond and Pussy Galore.
Mom: As long as they’re being safe.
Penny: And he made an effort to include everyone in the conversation – made sure it didn’t get too topic-specific.
[Polly continues to roll her eyes.]
Mom: So he’s not like that [hisses] Thebes who didn’t even send me a thank you note for his graduation present or talk to me at that really nice dinner I organized for our families because I love my daughter.
Penny: Nooooo. He didn’t!
Mom: He did!
[Polly’s eyes get stuck for a second but they’re soon restored to rolling condition.]
Penny: Well. I am not surprised.
Mom: [More Thebes-related vitriol] But this boy? He’s intelligent in a not showy way? That’s important. Kinda like people with money. You know they have money if they don’t show it off.
Penny: Uhhhhh. I’m not sure that I’d say it’s quite the same thing. But he could talk about more than three things, yes. And boy could he talk… Too chatty for me, but perfect for Pol…
Mom: Oh that is so good to hear!
Penny: I really think Polly would like to talk to you.
Mom: NO! I AM NOT DONE WITH YOU YET. TELL ME MORE ABOUT OXFORD COMMA.
[Polly rolls her eyes as if to plead “Dear Zeus, if you harbor any compassion for an undeserving mortal please rescue me from this torture akin to the unrelenting anguish of Cerberus’ lair!”]
Penny: There really isn’t much more to tell! He will make sure to run home and shower before meeting your daughter’s best friend from college in order to make a good impression and enjoys overpriced (but delicious!) gourmet grilled cheese? Also, he was mostly punctual. More so than your daughter who was awkwardly fifty minutes late so we made conversation without the presence of our common acquaintance. I think you should like this one. But really. Polly wants the phone back, and she is my ride to my bus which is my ride home. So. Loyalties. Ok? OK. Here’s Pol…

[Polly grabs phone from Penny.]
..ly.

Polly: GOOD BYE, MOTHER.
Mom: Love you, Stinky! (Ed. Note: SERIOUSLY. Don’t ask. -Polly) Oh, also we gave away the trampoline from the backyard.
Polly: WHAT?!
Mom: Bye!

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One Response to “In which Polly rolls her eyes so violently she gives herself a migraine.”

  1. Sotorya (Tory) December 4, 2012 at 1:36 pm #

    NOOOOOOOO. Not the TRAMPOLINEEEEEEEEEEE> ::sobs::

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