Safties and Reaches – They’re not just for colleges

7 Nov

The other day we got into a discussion about Polly’s continual self-deprecation (comes with the aspiring comedienne territory) and Penny’s outsized opinion of her own attractiveness/ability to attract a mate. (Mostly because Gym God continues to be a beautifully indifferent unrequited crush.)

Consequently, we decided to apply the Safety-Match-Reach undergraduate application process to celebrities we would Deign-to-Do, Do-without-Doubt, and Delight-to-Do.

(We hope you appreciate that the writing of this post almost ended our collaboration because every time one of us suggested a median percentile match to the other it was all Ewww NO. HIM??? I don’t DO barefoot guitar players or Are you absolutely SURE he’s too attractive? or I can’t separate him from the funny.)

First, a rough celebrity amalgamation of ourselves:

Penny – All the most beautiful blue-eyed brunette beauties in Hollywood combined. Katy-meets-Marion = Super expensive Blue Label blended Scotch. Penny = Less expensive, but not bottom shelf, Black Label. (Polly barfs.)

Polly – Imagine Topanga Lawrence with brown eyes, Emma Watson hair, and pin-up gal curves. (Cue: jealous, wistful sighs from 34B Penny.)

The men:


Penny’s safety, median, and reach:

Andy Samberg, Joseph Gordon Levitt, Adam Levine

Polly’s safety, median, and reach:

Jake Johnson, Adam Scott, Ian Harding


Polly – Just to clarify, I placed JGL at the TOP of your median percentile.

Penny – Don’t we look good together?!

Stay tuned! Next week on P&P, KFM: Pretty Little Liars Edition.


3 Responses to “Safties and Reaches – They’re not just for colleges”

  1. Can I Get ur Number?? November 9, 2012 at 6:59 pm #

    R & I have literally talked about what we think you two look like.. haha this helps so much!!! It’s not weird, I swear.

    • Penthesilea (Penny) November 10, 2012 at 12:39 pm #

      And we’ve always wondered where we’d fall on the binary scale! – Penny and Polly (reunited for a wonderful, if fleeting weekend) P.S. before you saw this what DID you think we looked like?

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