It’s the first Saturday in November and MMF has lasted longer than most of his predecessors, but quite long enough in Penny’s estimation. She moved their tentative date from her city to his, made it for lunch, and established a convenient quick getaway in the form of her parents’ desperately desiring her company and needing someone to pick up a quart of milk. “Skim, pls.”
[fade-in on Penny, lazing about her parents’ living room in front of the fire reading none other than Anna Karenina because she might as well give something a thirty-fifth chance today…]
MMF (SMS): It’s because I let you pay for lunch, isn’t it?
Penny (SMS): Hahahah no. It is not because you let me pay.
MMF (SMS): I can’t help second-guessing. Did you remember the milk?
Penny (SMS): I did… I forgot how much I hate Wegmans’ parking lot. And don’t second-guess yourself. This is not on you.
MMF (SMS): Well… if you want to talk about it, let me know.
[cue: College Football Theme Music (because that’s what was on TV)((because it is Saturday in America))]
Daddy: What’s that look for?
Penny: Recounts textversation.
Mom: Which one is this, again? Is this that coffee boy?? I feel badly for him, but I’m glad you used us as an excuse this weekend!
Penny: No, Mom. This is Mutual Male Friend. The one that took me to that awesome holiday party last year? And I’m glad I came home, too!
Daddy: For the record: I have not met this boy nor flexed my biceps in his presence nor frowned my ferocious frown in his general direction, so this cannot possibly be my fault.
Penny: Well, if you subscribe to Freud’s theory…
Unappreciative eye rolling commences from both parental units.
Mom: That poor boy…
Daddy: What are you smirking about now?
Penny: Oh, Polly and Circe and ALF are just responding to my WTF?! screenshot of his texts.
Mom: You all are so involved in each other’s lives now.*
Daddy: I’m not sure that’s such a good thing. When we were dating your Mom didn’t have anyone to talk to other than me after Sarah and Melissa got some bee in their bonnets. Look how well that worked out!
Penny: Huh. Mom had friends?
*If only they knew that not only are my friends overly involved in the goings-on of my love life, but I in turn am made painfully aware of every unworthy text message or mildly interesting development in their interactions with the opposite sex. Do my parents have a point? Are we talking too much about our dates with the wrong people (i.e. people other than our dates)?**
**AHHHHHH NO I need someone to FREAK OUT OVER NOTHING with me! I will implode without you!!!!! (<3 Polly)