I still hate you, Sandy.

5 Nov

This week my family, out of power thanks to that hateful bitch Sandy, bunked with me in my one bedroom apartment. Which was most definitely not intended to accomodate four adults and a dog for any extended period of time. Of course I didn’t want to think of my darling family stuck in a freezing house with no water (ah, the inconveniences of well systems) for over a week. But sharing a futon with my tiny-yet-space-consuming sister and puppy was also less than ideal.

Post-Frankenstorm Survival Techniques I’ve Learned Between Last Wednesday and Now Because Dear Zeus They Are Still Here :

1. IF YOUR POWER IS OUT OMZ GRAB EVERYTHING FROM THE FRIDGE AND FREEZER AND COOK IT IN YOUR DAUGHTER’S MINI-KITCHEN BEFORE IT GOES BAD. She totally won’t mind 17.58 lbs of turkey, 8 lbs of corned beef, a large pizza, two cartons of eggs, all the condiments ever, and a handful of kielbasas fighting for space in her fridge.

2. Say Yes to the Dress and related spinoffs might be tons of fun to watch, but are far less fun to reenact when you suggest your mother accompany you to David’s Bridal to order your bridesmaid’s dress. She will find the veils. She will pull gowns. Your sister will laugh ceaselessly. You will feel like an idiotic Barbie doll.

3. Multi-hour long gas lines can be a nice source of much needed alone-time!

4. $40 at Target for Pictionary and Catchphrase is a worthwhile investment after you’ve all exhausted the television. The board game section will likely be untouched because all the other patrons are busy fighting over batteries and Duraflame logs before the next Nor’easter.

5. “Nothing’s wrong! I just wanted to spend some time reading alone in my bedroom.” might be a true statement but won’t stop the people who created you from taking offense.

6. Attempting to calmly reconcile futon space and blanket disputes with your sister at 3am is a waste of energy that could instead be dedicated to plotting future revenge schemes.

7. When in doubt, cook more stuff. They can’t get on your nerves with the obnoxious things they say when their mouths are full of pie.


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