Advice to Men in Bars

31 Oct

If you approach a woman in a bar,

A.) Do not begin your interaction by poking an element of her Halloween costume. This is not Facebook and you are not friends.

B.) The burden of conversation is on you, not her friend (me) who against all reason feels for your awkward soul.

[Polly, Molly, and two friends sit at a bar casually chatting during Halloweekend. A strange uncostumed man pokes a prop element of Molly’s costume.]

Strange Man presented himself in a manner completely unlike this.

Strange Man – Boop! [Stands there.]
Molly – Hi?
Strange Man – I like your [PROP ELEMENT OF HALLOWEEN COSTUME].
Molly – Thanks.
Strange Man – [Stands there.]
Polly – What is your costume?
Strange Man – Oh, I don’t do Halloween. I’m not from America. [Stands there.]
Polly – … Where are you from?
Strange Man – New Zealand. [Stands there.]
Molly – They don’t celebrate Halloween in NZ?
Strange Man – No, they do. [Stands there.]
[Awkward staring.]
Polly – What brings you here?
Strange Man – Work. [Stands there.]
[The sound of silence.]
Polly – What kind of work?
Strange Man – Film.
Polly – Oh, me too!
Strange Man – [Stands there.]
[Stands there.]
[Stands there.]
[Polly and Molly do their best to pretend Strange Man isn’t standing there.]
[They fail.]
Strange Man – Sorry for intruding.
Molly – It’s ok…?
Strange Man – [Stands there.]

[Later…]

Molly – LIATIANASGATM
Polly – Your humorously long abreevs often escape me.
Molly – Lord I am thankful I am not a single girl at this moment.

#LIATIANASGATM

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One Response to “Advice to Men in Bars”

  1. Ephesos (Effie) November 7, 2012 at 5:03 pm #

    Oh, I can only imagine how cute New Zealand man could have been (you know i’m a sucker for those kiwi’s) if he only weren’t so socially awkward! Fun fact: The ever so accurate Hercules and Xena series’ were both filmed in New Zealand.

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