Unrequited Crush: Fall’s must-have accessory

9 Oct

Well, Latte Boy is over and I have moved on to my fair trade, organic coffee (with Amy’s blend from Caribou on Mondays because it is 1. Delicious and 2. Breast Cancer Awareness Month).

But I apparently cannot function without an unrequited crush.

Important Note: Unrequited is definitely the key word here. I never really wanted Latte Boy to ask me out. Sure, it was flattering and more than a little exciting (who doesn’t appreciate a little affirmation now and then?). But really, I was having fun engaging in a little safe, over-the-counter flirting with Latte Boy and then he went and ruined it by turning out to be a real person with feelings.

Enter Gym God, mat right.

Every gym has the bros who spend more time lumbering around showing off the bulging muscles that have apparently affected their ability to walk normally than working out. Gym God is not one of these manchildren. (He actually lifts and never ambles aimlessly.) ((Aside: Aimless ambling is something I will never understand. Even when I’m just strolling, I do it with purpose.))

Gym God is the human equivalent of Prince Phillip (see picture) from my personal favorite Disney film, Sleeping Beauty. (Yes, yes. I know that Aurora is the princess with the least amount of agency, but COME ON. We all know that I’m more Evil Queen than Pretty Princess any day of the week. And Maleficent is AWESOME.)

With wide shoulders, narrow hips and perfectly sculpted features… Ladies, he makes going to the gym a very pleasant experience. 

Do I want to talk to him? Not really. (I actually have my eye on someone else?! Shhhh…)

Will I continue ogling from afar? Most definitely. (For more Disney ogling, please click here.)

Here’s to hoping this one stays unrequited.

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