A Millennial Call to Action: Romney puts hit on Big Bird

4 Oct

This post is brought to you by the letter “R” for a Reason to Rally!

To my millennial cohort: the call to political arms has been issued! We may be able to ignore the economy and even foreign affairs for the more exciting return of the fall network dramas or a need to Redneckonize, but this is really too much.

Mitt Romney has declared war not only on the fundamental American right for parents to plop their children down in front of socially-funded educational television for several much-needed Mommy-time hours a day, but also on Childhood itself.

“I’m sorry, Jim, I’m gonna stop the subsidy to PBS…. I like PBS, I love Big Bird — I actually like, you too — but I am not going to keep spending money on things [we have] to borrow money from China to pay for.”

It is indeed heartening to know that our GOP presidential nominee can recognize when feeling is imprudent, when that big yellow bird puppet who embodies so much of the American spirit of ingenuity has been tainted by the fiscalization of the American economy set in motion by… whoops best not to go into the details of that one.

Not.

Let us take up the lessons taught to us by Big Bird and Count Dracula: Vive, Seex, Sefen, Eight. Who do ve appreciate? Beeg Bird. Jim Henson! Public broadcasting! Non-partisan news reporting! Early-literacy educational efforts for socioeconomically disadvantaged children! Afternoon Tea with Judi Dench and that Bucket woman! Doo-wop sponsorship concerts! Celtic Woman!!!

And here we thought you were pro-Life, Mitts. For shame.

(Also, the New Yorker has a helpful tally of all the retorts Obama could have made, but didn’t.)

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One Response to “A Millennial Call to Action: Romney puts hit on Big Bird”

  1. Molpadia (Molly) October 9, 2012 at 3:28 pm #

    This is the political equivalent of when a low-level manager says the office can’t afford bagel friday anymore: it doesn’t really change much in the budget but it pisses everyone off. The douchiest of moves.

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