CLU – Non-lies and the Slow Fade

3 Oct

Ghosting, as previously discussed, is an abhorrent but extremely tempting method of divesting oneself of unwanted suitors.

Now I would like to present to you the perfectly executed Slow Fade.

But first, to recap my Caffeinated Love Affair: There was this boy who works at Starbucks. We flirted. He wrote his number on my coffee cup. We went on a date. A good friend ran his court records. We met for the in-person let-down. I found a new Starbucks.

(Well, actually, I found an independent coffee shop with not-burnt coffee. But I’m getting ahead of myself.)

Our second “date” and the in-person let-down happened on Thursday during happy hour.

Slow Fade Step 1:

Latte Boy: Well, you don’t have to stop going to Starbucks. I won’t make things awkward for you.

Penny: Thanks! It’s actually about time for me to stop coming in anyway. I can make my own hot coffee; so, I wouldn’t be coming in anymore in a few weeks regardless.

[Note: Perfectly plausible excuse for why he is no longer seeing me around.]

Slow Fade Step 2:

Because it was still iced coffee weather, I returned to Starbucks on Friday morning and then again on Monday. Neither day found Latte Boy behind the bar. Judging my duty done (presence hopefully noted by his coworkers), I began patronizing my new independent coffee shop with the fair trade coffee and went about my aspiring hipster way.

Slow Fade Step 3:

Latte Boy (SMS): I hope you don’t feel that you can’t come to my Starbucks anymore. You’re still very welcome here. :) [grammar and punctuation – but not the emoticon – mine.]

Penny (SMS): Oh, thanks! I’ve been a few times, but I don’t think you were working. I have a coffee maker with a timer at home, so… [Note: 1. The friendly tone, 2. The reference to Step 1, 3. The not outright lie. I do have a coffee maker with a timer. I just haven’t figured out how to use it yet.]

Latte Boy (SMS): Hah sounds about right. I took a week off to visit family And nothing wrong with saving money where you can!

Slow Fade Step 4:

In about two weeks I will delete Latte Boy from my online friend lists and both of our lives will resume their very separate courses after barely a blip on the emotional radar.


5 Responses to “CLU – Non-lies and the Slow Fade”

  1. Molpadia (Molly) October 3, 2012 at 1:55 pm #

    This is what separates real life from the movies. In the movies, Latte Boy would have been a prince trying to find true love without his suitors knowing he was royalty. Oh wait, that’s that new TLC show I’ve been dying to watch, Secret Princes. It’s a reality show so it must be real. MAYBE LATTE BOY IS ACTUALLY A PRINCE. Don’t give up, Pen!

    • Hippolyta (Polly) October 3, 2012 at 2:33 pm #

      In lieu of handy Facebook-type affirmation interfaces, I shall simply type: LIKE.

      I haven’t seen it yet, still catching up on Abby and Brittany, but I can tell it’s going to be a gem.

      • Molpadia (Molly) October 3, 2012 at 2:48 pm #

        I haven’t seen it yet either, but I’m sure P and P will know about it when I do.

    • Sotorya (Tory) October 4, 2012 at 2:58 pm #

      Man the one guy on that show is really really pretty. I haven’t watched it, because I kind of want to continue to think he is pretty, and also witty, charming and a feminist.

      Don’t tell me if it isn’t true. Don’t ruin my dreams of having both a tiara AND an equal partner relationship *swoon*

  2. Can I Get ur Number?? October 3, 2012 at 7:56 pm #

    you’re a genius. my method is to generally just be as awkward as possible… not on purpose, but just because i’m that awkward. i need to start taking notes.

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