This is the last thing Penny will post about the election.
((Ok. Probably not.))
Anyway, we feel you little girl. We feel you.
If you approach a woman in a bar,
A.) Do not begin your interaction by poking an element of her Halloween costume. This is not Facebook and you are not friends.
B.) The burden of conversation is on you, not her friend (me) who against all reason feels for your awkward soul.
[Polly, Molly, and two friends sit at a bar casually chatting during Halloweekend. A strange uncostumed man pokes a prop element of Molly’s costume.]
Strange Man – Boop! [Stands there.]
Molly – Hi?
Strange Man – I like your [PROP ELEMENT OF HALLOWEEN COSTUME].
Molly – Thanks.
Strange Man – [Stands there.]
Polly – What is your costume?
Strange Man – Oh, I don’t do Halloween. I’m not from America. [Stands there.]
Polly – … Where are you from?
Strange Man – New Zealand. [Stands there.]
Molly – They don’t celebrate Halloween in NZ?
Strange Man – No, they do. [Stands there.]
Polly – What brings you here?
Strange Man – Work. [Stands there.]
[The sound of silence.] Continue reading
We humans are amazingly resilient in the face of disaster. Or amazingly self-absorbed, depending on your perspective.
Polly and I were both well-within the sights of Superstorm Sandy, and yet we managed to escape her clutches not only completely unscathed but plus a few unplanned (and paid!) stretchy pants days. We didn’t even lose power; our days off work led to nothing more destructive than TV comas and deliciously disgusting food inventions.
Our biggest concerns in the aftermath of Sandy were browsing photos of the devastation online, discussing Chris Christie’s unprecedented praise of Obama and complaining to each other about the sheer amount of bored eating going on in our respective domiciles.
Is this resilience? Meh. It’s probably just detachment. Continue reading
Or, How Many Tasty Nouns Can I Fit in One Breakfast?
Or, What Happens When Polly and Aunt Flow are Stuck in Her Apartment for Three Days
I’m endlessly lucky that my power didn’t go out once amidst all this hurricane havoc. But after watching House Hunters International for so many hours I started to get a little stir-crazy. And that’s when my inventive side kicked in. When I was little I used to spend hours on rainy days combining the realms of Barbies and My Little Ponies. They were all dressed and styled fabulously. Skipper and Starlight were bffs. But now I’m a grown up and I either play with food or paint chips.
So at 11:30 yesterday morning when I was tired of watching tv in bed after four hours, I dragged my sweatpants-covered butt to the kitchen and decided to throw everything I had into a seasonal waffle of joy. And for those who don’t want to consume their entire day’s calories in one intensely loaded magic waffle, take a look at the healthier variation.
Jam-filled Apple Cider Pumpkin Snickers Milky Way Three Musketeers Waffles
Ingredients: Continue reading
As the internet is already well aware, Disney bought Lucasfilm and is developing Star Wars Episode 7 for a 2015 release. Millions of fans are in an uproar as their childhood memories are again diminished in the cold capitalist pursuit of profit. This fate could have been avoided if Disney had a sassy gay friend.
Sigh. I mean, I’m going to pay a lot of money to see in in IMAX 3D. Probably on opening night. Likely in costume. (Sith, of course. I’m angry and we all know anger is the path to the Dark Side.) But I’ll complain a lot before, during, and after.
Penny’s phone lines just went out. It’s only a matter of time.
Polly is ready with four gallons of drinking water, tons of Yankee Candles, and enough pasta primavera to feed Michael Phelps for a week.
But there is good news!
We feel happy! We feel [TREE. BAM.]
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