Monday Morning Inner Dialogue

24 Sep

7:00AM. Polly’s clock radio alarm goes off.

Polly’s Shoulder Demon: Snooze it.
Polly’s Shoulder Angel: You really ought to go for a run.
Polly’s Shoulder Demon: It’s MONDAY.
Polly’s Shoulder Angel: And will that be a consolation when you’re too out of shape to even walk to your car?
Polly: [Snoozes alarm four times.]
PSD: Call in sick.
PSA: Get up now if you want time to shower and appear human at work.
PSD: Call in sick. You deserve it.
PSA: Does any part of you actually feel unwell?
PSD: Your soooouuuuuuuuuuul.
PSA: [Reproving glare.]
PSD: You worked on Saturday and Sunday was not restful whatsoever.
PSA: You have so much to get done today.
PSD: Do you really think you’re so irreplaceable that the department will crumble if you say you have a migrane? Wouldn’t today be better spent engaging yourself in gastronomic experiments? What reds do you think pair well with Ben and Jerry’s Dublin Mudslide?
PSA: You fool. The lack of residual sugar in most table reds would contrast too harshly with the smooth coffee sweetness of Dublin Mudslide. And you can’t afford any good port*. Especially after you splurged on the autumn collection of Yankee Candle CarJars yesterday.
PSD: Aromatherapy is legitimate.
PSA: Bite me. Get out of bed.
PSD: Mental exhaustion. Deserved R&R. Emotional wellbeing. Rationalization buzzwords.
PSA: Upward mobility. Impressing supervisors. Basic job requirements. Ambition buzzwords.
PSD: It’s cold outside. Your bed is warm.
PSA: So is the shower and you’re going to stink up your cubicle if you don’t bathe yourself in the next thirty seconds.
Polly: [Gets in shower. Isn’t happy about it.]

*Really? REALLY?! $45 for that tiny little bottle that probably only holds 2.5 decent-sized glasses?? What did they put in it – ground rubies to enhance its luscious color?!

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