CLU – I need a new Starbucks

21 Sep

Curiosity is my besetting sin.

I just had to know about the ex-wife.

Just had to.

So, I resisted the urge to ghost and met Latte Boy for drinks and the in-person ‘let-down’.

Not five minutes into happy hour…

Latte Boy: So, what are you looking for in a relationship?

Dear reader, there are some topics of conversation you just do not bring up during the first 3-5 dates. These topics include: 1. Where the relationship is heading, 2. Religion, 3. Politics, 4. Children, 5. Anything heavy…

Latte Boy missed the memo.

For what position I was being interviewed, I’m not precisely sure, (wife? girlfriend? therapist??) but topics and questions included:

  1. “I’m divorced from my highschool sweetheart and she wrecked me” led to
  2. “My first year of marriage was the best of my life… until I find someone with whom to have a lifetime of happiness.” (Intimation – you, Penny! You!!) However,
  3. (Paraphrased) “Ex-wife was an unfeeling bitch who made me want to kill myself.” (!!!) And also,
  4. “My family didn’t have a lot of money growing up.” So, he really needs to know…
  5. “Are you liberal or conservative?” as well as
  6. “Are you religious?” (Cue exwife-induced existential crisis.) Before proceeding to go on about
  7. “Myers-Biggs” personality types* and how
  8. “I’m an emotional guy.” (No shit, Sherlock.) Before asking,
  9. “Do you want to have kids?” (?!?!?!!!! No. I like to give them back.)

*Yes, I know – Myers-Briggs.


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