Loath though I am to bid adieu to my favorite season, autumn is here and it really isn’t so bad. As you store those sundresses and beach chairs in the back of the closet, soften the blow by seasonally sprucing your space with these decorating tips, care of Colin Nissan at McSweeney’s. Maybe I can snag him for an interview and he can coach me through my proper language problems.
“I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get my hands on some fucking gourds and arrange them in a horn-shaped basket on my dining room table. That shit is going to look so seasonal. I’m about to head up to the attic right now to find that wicker fucker, dust it off, and jam it with an insanely ornate assortment of shellacked vegetables. When my guests come over it’s gonna be like, BLAMMO! Check out my shellacked decorative vegetables, assholes. Guess what season it is—fucking fall. There’s a nip in the air and my house is full of mutant fucking squash.”