Three Consciences is a Crowd

10 Sep

Polly’s Dating Advice: Don’t schedule a first date at a time when most of your ladyfriends are drinking without you.

Preface: My date was LOVELY and Oxford Comma was a GENTLEMAN and my HONOR was not COMPROMISED and I LOVE my FRIENDS but they can CALM DOWN SOMETIMES.

Texts from my Collective Consciences:

Molly: How’s it going? We wanna knowwwwwwwwwww.
Molly: Love BFFL-1, BFFL-A, and me.
Molly: Heeellllooooooooooooo.
Molly: BFFL-A is mad at you/really happy for you.
Molly: BFFL-1 says she better not beat you to your apartment tomorrow afternoon.
Molly: I say “Ssssssllllluuuuuuttttttt” but facetiously.
Molly: Take it slow, woman!
Molly: Said the good shoulder angel.
BFFL-1: Consensus says kiss goodnight, walk away, TAKE IT SLOW.
Molly: Youuuuuuu don’t do anything I wouldn’t!
Molly: Again, kiss goodnight, walk away, take it slow say your three best friends.
BFFL-A: Even though you didn’t tell me anything I’m jumping on the badwagon and saying TAKE IT SLOW. Enjoy the romance!
BFFL-1: Stay with one of us tonight! BFFL-A has a whole extra bedroom.
Molly: Pollyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
BFFL-A: Stay at my place tonight :)
Molly: yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
Molly: You have three possible crash pads tonight, Pol.
BFFL-A: Are you ok to drive home? I always love it when you stay at Chateau BFFL!
Molly: Ssssslllluuuutttt.
BFFL-A: Seriously, though. Crash with me if you don’t feel like going all the way home!
Molly: Going to bed but CALL ME IF YOU NEED A PLACE TO SLEEP.

Real Conversation:

Oxford Comma: Is everything ok? Your phone is going crazy.
Polly: Sorry, my ladyfriends are out together and they are all apparently EXTREMELY worried about my safety/honor.
Oxford Comma: So, there is a gaggle of women somewhere in the city whom I’ve never met that are highly concerned with my behavior tonight?
Polly: Yes.
Oxford Comma: Should I be frightened?
Polly: Haha, no. Well probably.

My fairygodmothers, on the other hand, will be forgiven. But sometimes I like to sleep:

Penny: !?!!!??????!!!!?!?
Penny: Dying of curiosity!
Penny: Did he MURDER you?
Tory: Hope you had fun!
Tory: Good morning!
Tory: Also please reassure me that you weren’t killed and left on the side of the road!


6 Responses to “Three Consciences is a Crowd”

  1. Penthesilea (Penny) September 10, 2012 at 4:31 pm #

    I promise to exempt you from the you-texted-after-10pm-and-woke-me-up-prepare-to-die rule if you promise to always let me know you get home safely after dates with men you barely know. (Thus avoiding MY waking YOU up the next morning.)

    • Hippolyta (Polly) September 10, 2012 at 4:46 pm #

      Exemption accepted.

  2. Molpadia (Molly) September 10, 2012 at 5:05 pm #

    Sorry, Polly. ::hangs head in shame::

    Drinking and living vicariously and texting should never happen at the same time.

  3. Sotorya (Tory) September 10, 2012 at 6:59 pm #

    SEE! I was good.

  4. BFFL-1/Ephesos (Effie) September 11, 2012 at 8:34 pm #


    • Hippolyta (Polly) September 12, 2012 at 3:18 pm #

      Love you tooooo. And at least I know that the authorities will definitely be alerted in a timely manner if I’m ever abducted on a date :)

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