“When I grow up…” And other texts that won’t be answered

31 Aug

Back when I was living with Circe on Aeaea we ran into some sailors with really unique… aspirations.

These are their texts.

SMS Adventures with Unfortunately Smug Sailor 1

USS1: Hey, it’s USS1. I had a really great time last night. You seem like a really cool girl. Could you read my essay for me?
Penny: Sure. My email is penandpol@gmail.com.
USS1: Thanks! Ur awesome.
Penny: Mmmhm. When do you need it by?
USS1: Oh, like wed so i can make final revisions?
Penny: Ok. I’ll look at it tonight.
USS1: Great! I really want to take u to dinner.

Two hours later
USS1: So, how’s that essay coming?
Penny: I can’t look at it until tonight. I have work.
USS1: Oh, right. Well, could you look at it sooner than later?

Meanwhile
Penny: You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me.
Circe: ??
Penny: You know that tall, dark and handsome sailor to whom you volunteered my editing services? <<sends screenshot>>
Circe: Oh. Uhhhh. Whoopsie?
Penny: Hmmph. It’s Monday.

Two hours later
USS1: You know i really appreciate ur reading my essay.

Thirty minutes later
USS1: And i definitely meant what i said about dinner. There’s this nice little place by the mall…

Three hours later
Penandpol@gmail.com to USS1@gmail.com: Your incomplete essay about the effects of blade shape on rotation and helicopter flight (or at least I think that’s what it was about since you didn’t write a CONCLUSION) is attached, with my comments, to this email. Next time you might want to try writing in complete thoughts. Best of luck, Penny.

SMS Adventures with Unfortunately Smug Sailor 2

USS2: So, you’re a really good dancer. I’m glad we met last night.
Penny: Gee, thanks.
USS2: What did you get up to today?
Penny: Nothing special. Catching up on housework I don’t have time for during the week.
USS2: Yea, I did some laundry.

Meanwhile
Circe: Cute Baby Sailor is texting me!
Penny: That’s nice. His friend USS2 is texting me, as well.
Circe: Yea, they’re at [Local Pub] tonight.

USS2: So, what are you doing tonight? CBS and I are at [Local Pub] if you want to join.
Penny: Oh, thanks, but I’m good with my book, tea and leggings.
USS2: Oh? What are you reading?
Penny: Hunting and Gathering by Anna Gavalda.
USS2: Never heard of her.
Penny: Probably because it’s translated from the French.
USS2: You’re smart. That’s hot.
Penny: Thanks?

Meanwhile
Circe: Are you going to go to [Local Pub]?
Penny: It’s Sunday. After 7. No.
Circe: Oh. Right.
Circe: But maybe for a little while?
Penny: I mean, you can go. I have a book.
Circe: You are EIGHTY.

USS2: So, tell me something interesting about yourself.
Penny: You first.
USS2: Sassy. I like that.
USS2: I want to be an astronaut.

Meanwhile
Penny: He did NOT just tell me that the most interesting thing about him is that he wants to be an astronaut.
Circe: What’s wrong with that?
Penny: Every little boy wants to be an astronaut.
Circe: Yea, but this one actually has a shot.

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