On road rage, or lack thereof

31 Aug

I feel for Penny and her grueling commute. I really do. It sounds dreadful.

But sometimes I’m a tad jealous of those who can successfully release their traffic-induced vitriol on their fellow roadmates. I cannot. I can’t even honk.

It’s great that in an emergency situation my reaction is to hit the breaks instead of the horn, I’m not complaining about that. And it’s not that I can’t outswear a sailor. Anyone watching me during class selection in college will attest that my vocabulary is expansive and grotesque. But the use of expletives, for me, is calculated and premeditated; a stylistic choice. It is never a reaction.

Which is why the best I can come up with when I’m cut off is “I BEG YOUR PARDON?! If you haven’t noticed we’re ALL merging here and this would really go quite smoothly if you just followed the alternating pattern!”

So while I wouldn’t change my backroad, seven minute commute for anything, it is difficult to rehearse and hone proper road rage without the right environment. It takes practice to switch out my usual “A pox! A pox on you and your kin!” with the perfectly inflected “F*** you, BUDDY!” and to learn to raise my middle finger instead of my pinky.

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One Response to “On road rage, or lack thereof”

  1. Molpadia (Molly) September 4, 2012 at 10:50 am #

    I’m with you, lady.

    When we’re all waiting to get off at an exit and someone drives up the shoulder and cuts in front of everyone else I’m all, “Friend, what gives? We’re all waiting here and yes we’re all special in our own way but no, you’re not special in this way, you’re just being a selfish little poopy pants and holding up my wait. Oh, that’s a nice blinker you put on just now. Oh, ok, you can go in front of me.”

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