: So you went to that concert for your coworker?
Polly: It wasn’t a concert so much as him singing and playing guitar in the corner of a public golf course club house. But yeah.
Mom: Is he cute? Where’s he from?
Polly: I guess. Texas.
Mom: Is he young?
Polly: Not really, mid 30s probably.
Mom: That’s good. That would be a good age for you, you’re very mature.
Polly: Yeah but what if he never watched the same Nicktoons* I watched? What would we talk about? Or what if it led to something serious? And in a few years he wants babies and I want to stay the hell away from babies forever?
Mom: You’ll change your tune.
Polly: No… Really, Mom. I don’t want kids. I’d rather have-
Together: A boat.
Mom: I said that once.
Mom: Your biological clock will start nagging you.
Polly: No. Kids are great but I love that part where I-
Together: Give them back.
Polly: Stop it. I don’t even have a biological clock. I-
Together: Babysat too much to ever want kids.
Mom: Give it a few years.
Polly: LA LA LA LA LA NOT LISTENING LA LA NO BABIES
*Lengthy conversations on the philosophical truths presented in Hey Arnold have precipitated all of my successful relationships. The Nancy Spumoni Snowboots Christmas episode** was a flawlessly presented argument for transitioning from a society of “haves vs. have nots” to one based on less tangible fulfillment.
**Shout out to Molly who cries with me every Christmas while we re-watch this episode.