Misfired Arrows – Circe’s Adventures on OkCupid: The Advances of Delusional Salsa Dancer

20 Aug

The following misadventures in love/online dating are brought to you by Circe, who’d like to point out to a certain matchmaking god that his virtual arrows rarely hit their targets. (Unlike her poison darts…)

SMS from DSD: How have you been? It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you. If you’re hungry, you should drop by. Just finished making sesame chicken with rice!

Date 1 Flashback – Dinner and salsa dancing

DSD: You seem like a really nice girl, so why are you single?

Circe: It’s hard to say really… could be that my pet chinchilla sleeps in my bed with me, or that I have an uncle dad. Then there’s the collection of human skulls lining the bookshelves in my bedroom (come to think of it, perhaps I should find a more inconspicuous place to keep those). Or perhaps my vagina spear**, that tends to be a turnoff. Yes, definitely the vagina spear.

Guess I just haven’t found anyone yet. And I recently got out of a long term relationship.

DSD: Oh, me too! How long was yours?

Circe: Two years. You?

DSD: Ten years.

Circe: How old ARE you?

*Cut to later that evening at the salsa club aka abandoned warehouse in the ghetto*

DSD: Wow, so you’ve done this before, huh?

Circe: A few times…

DSD: I just started last week, but I have given myself 2 months to master salsa. Then I’m moving on to Bachata. I’m also working on tight rope walking now as well, got 2 weeks left to become a master!

Circe: Wow, that’s…ambitious. Or slightly insane. Does this guy ever sleep?
I can’t say I have that many hobbies, but I’m taking a hip hop class right now.

DSD: That’s awesome? What’s the name of the studio? What day is your class? What time?

Circe: Haha funny.

DSD: No seriously, I want to come watch your class!

Circe: Yep, definitely insane.  Umm I don’t think I would be comfortable with that, I just met you.

DSD: Please? I’ll be really quiet. You won’t even know I’m there.

Circe: You know, I’m really tired, I think I’m gonna head home. And lock all of my doors. And possibly change my phone number.

DSD: I can take you home! Where do you live? I can make you a nice elderberry cocktail. I’m also working on becoming a licensed bartender. Or would you prefer coffee? I recently flew to Ecuador to pick my own beans and I have a small roaster in my apartment.

Circe: I’d rather spend a romantic evening with Uncle Dad. No thanks, I drove myself. For just this eventuality.

**Note: Vagina spears are a better alternative to the also fictional “shutting down” method popularized by Rep. Todd Akin.**

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One Response to “Misfired Arrows – Circe’s Adventures on OkCupid: The Advances of Delusional Salsa Dancer”

  1. virtuous and beautiful September 20, 2012 at 1:56 am #

    This conversation actually sounds like something that happens often.

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