The Necessity of Nicknames

7 Aug

Or, How to Keep Friends’ Friends/Boyfriends/Crushes Straight

Polly: Ohmyzeus [POLLY’S FRIEND] is coming into town this weekend!
Polly: You know, the high school friend with whom I think I could spend the rest of my life were geographical situations more accommodating?
Penny: Uhhh… the one from [MY CITY]??
Polly: No, no the other one. The one with the nose I find inexplicably attractive.
Penny: Riiight. Jewish Adonis from [THAT OTHER CITY].
Polly: Why do you insist on calling him that? His name is [POLLY’S FRIEND].
Penny: <<mutters>> I can’t keep track of every Tom, Dick or Harry in your life. It all makes me very verklempt!
Polly: What?
Penny: You know, overcome with emotion in a Yiddish sort of way (keeping with the theme).
Polly: Oy vey, Pen. I know my Yiddish. I was referring to your inability to keep up with my ubiquitously-named potential soul mates.
Penny: Don’t you have trouble distinguishing between Poopface and Smith Boy and Soundcheck Guy?
Polly: Poopface, in his eternal stenchiness, is never difficult to distinguish.
Penny: Ok, poor example on my part. But don’t you think, what with the whole having separate friend groups thing, we need names to be, well, descriptive?
Polly: [POLLY’S FRIEND] is descriptive! It’s his name.
Penny: It’s also That Boy from Sophomore Calculus’ name and Former Latte Boy’s name and…
Polly: <<interrupts>> Okay, okay! Point made. Jewish Adonis, it is.

(If you thought keeping up with an anonymous blog was confusing for you readers, rest assured that we are just as puzzled.)

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