Musings – Room Temperature Turkey

27 Jul

For those of you contemplating friendship after a big break-up, please heed the following.

Well-meaning friends will likely suggest completely ceasing all contact with your former partner for a significant time. This is sound advice, given with the intention of allowing the break-er the space she needs to heal. But the idea of quitting anything or anyone cold turkey is overwhelmingly intimidating.

You resist.

After years of confiding in him daily, enduring hardships, celebrating successes, and associating your ex with just about everything you see or do or wear or hear or eat, cutting him out of your life (even temporarily) can seem like an undeserved insult to the memory of everything good about your relationship.

You know it isn’t working, but you can’t give him up; he is everywhere. So you compromise. A few Facebook “likes” here and there never hurt anyone!

Don’t fool yourself; the warning label is emblazoned across the packaging for a reason.

The risks of consuming room temperature turkey can be severe, including but not limited to:

-Receiving well written texts detailing how, after he actually does all those things he’s been talking about and improves himself as a person (read: gets a job), he will come back to you. But he wants you to move on and he means that with all of his heart. Really. Not really. Really. But, no, you should wait for him.

-Preparing to blow off steam at that [BAND] concert you and your ladies bought tickets for months before the break-up, only to find out via Facebook that he will be attending with his family.

-Receiving poorly written texts from his mother during the [BAND] concert expressing her wishes that you enjoy yourself and also letting you know that she has floor seats and had her picture taken with [FRONTMAN] and [LEAD GUITARIST], those silver-haired hotties of classic rock.

-Spending the majority of the drive home from this out-of-state concert contemplating whether it would have been considerate to offer to meet with your ex while you were in town even though it stresses you out to speak to him or remind yourself of his existence. But remember all those times he made you mac and cheese at 3am when you were struggling with a last-minute paper? He even said you looked cute in your snuggie.


It is hard, and it seems wrong, and it isn’t appealing in the slightest. But sometimes turkey is healthiest not only cold but frozen.

Maybe start by unfriending his mother?

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One Response to “Musings – Room Temperature Turkey”

  1. aprilblossomspeaks July 27, 2012 at 4:11 pm #

    This is amazing. And oddly true of my life…room temperature turkey starts to stink after a while.

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