FACEBOOK CHAT- During work because GCHAT IS DOWN. How pedestrian.
Polly: I realized a universal truth after receiving a rather forward and vulgar text from Fauxny yesterday: Though the way into a woman’s heart is through the intensive background check, psychiatric evaluation, and security clearance that is her brain, the way into a woman’s pants is through TACT.
Penny: LOVES it. What did Fauxny the Rebound Dude say?
Polly: I’m torn between sharing it and sparing you.
Penny: Oh we TMI all the time. Why not?
Polly: It has nothing to do with preserving his dignity, I’ve already shared some photos with curious parties.
Penny: HE SENT YOU PICTURES????????
Polly: Oh Zeus, so many unsolicited pictures.
Penny: In a word, ew.
Polly: BUT ANYWAY. We haven’t spoken to each other in a week. Which is totally fine. I have things to do. So I’m out to lunch WITH MY MOTHER and receive this:
Polly: Exact quote.
Polly: Abreevs and all. No lead-in, context, or greeting of any sort.
Penny: Losing interest.
Polly: I can hardly type it.
Penny: FOR THE LOVE OF THE GODS, WOMAN.
Polly: “Polly I wanna f*** u like an animal”
Polly: UMMMM, HI?
Penny: Things not to say in a text… unless you’re Christian Grey.
Polly: CHRISTIAN GREY SPELLS WORDS.